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Mar. 20th, 2007 11:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
heathrowgaonceupon posted an entry yesterday that really has me thinking. I've been feeling less than wonderful since Katie was born. While I was overweight prior to the birth of my kids, I haven't gotten down to my default weight since Katie was born. (My default weight = the set point that my body seems to hit unless I'm exercising 1 hour a day and eating 1000 calories per day. Then I can drop 20 lbs which come back on within a short period of time. I've maintained that set point since I left college at age 22.) Very little of my clothing fits me well. I have many years of clothing to fit my default weight, but not a great deal of things at this higher weight. I am hesitant to shop for new clothing for me for fear I'll waste money. I have a sneaking suspicion that it's because I don't want to face the fact that I'm this new size. I go to the few stores that carry attractive items in my size and nothing looks right.
Right now, I'm still trying to deal with this ongoing stress of my mom's illness. (She's going through an up period, but she's still in hospice. She continues to abuse her body, so it's inevitable...just maybe delayed.) I have two young children. My allergies try to slay me when I step outside right now. Yes, I could exercise inside...during the kids' naptime (assuming they nap at the same time), or once they are asleep when I normally spend time with my husband catching up. I need to make it a priority, but I have nothing left to give.
Eating well? Well, we get in our fruit and veggie counts. I am in the process of converting us to whole wheat pasta and flours. I know that I overeat to help quell the feeling of sorrow and frustration. I rarely drink (1 drink a month is a big month), don't smoke, and I definitely don't do drugs. I've got an appointment with a shrink in April.
I just don't know. I can list to you all of the good behaviors I should be engaging in. Then when the time comes, I just can't or won't. I don't have a good answer right now. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other right now.
